Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
