he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
