I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
