wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
