Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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