We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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