You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
