her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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