my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
