Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
