There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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