im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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