at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
