My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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