when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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