just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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