I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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