Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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