i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
