I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
is that a dick in a sweater?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
