His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize