But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
