I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
