there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
