I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
