I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
