I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
