I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
