When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You're earring is so big in my mouth
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
