She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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