i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
