Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
