If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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