I want to make a zoo with you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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