dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ladies don't puke and tell
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize