Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
