my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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