4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My nipple is on Facebook.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize