dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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