I like to think it a success when the cops are called
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
