i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
