using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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