There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
