How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
