True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
