So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
