Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
