I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
