we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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