We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
