White coat. Heels.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
