My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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