Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
