he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
