just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
