I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
