I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
