Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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