NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize