fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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