My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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