Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
