Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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