Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
