You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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