Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
