After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
