.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Two words: blizzard sex
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize