but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
