we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
