im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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